Yesterday, I got to hear people complain and/or get really excited about Valentine’s Day.  Honestly who cares.  One of my coworkers went on and on about how happy she was that her boyfriend had a box of chocolate and roses for her when she woke up.

          Is that actually thoughtful at all?

          I don’t think so.  Could it get any more cliche.  If you feel the need to get your girlfriend something for Valentine’s Day, why not think of something she would like.  I’m not even really friends with the girl and I can think of dozens of things that would be better gifts for her. 

         Personally, I could so without ever getting flowers for this reason…I have a cat.  I do not want my cat to eat weird things.  She would try to eat the roses and probably get sick.  If a guy did insist on getting me flowers, at least send or better yet bring them to work.  Give a girl a chance to really show off that her boyfriend is doing something for her.

          The key to my heart would be something more like a book or dvd.  Or a music quote written on a scrap of paper.  That hands down would make me melt. I’m definately a love doesn’t have to cost kind of gal.  I’ve dated enough starving musicians to fully get that it doesn’t take money to show someone you care. 

          The girl from work probably wouldn’t agree though.  Her and her boyfriend are all about asking the other one to buy them super expensive things even though they can’t afford them then making them feel guilty about it.  I could never be with someone like that.

          On the opposite in, during my second job, there were tons of people wearing black saying they were protesting Valentine’s Day.  Dramatic much?  It is just a day.

          Upon first meeting my boss at work, we started flirting.  Let me explain first that I work a job that involves me dressing as sexy as possible. It is kind of the type of job that most guys I come across, flirt with me in some way.  No, I am not a stripper or anything to do with the sex trade.  Anyways, my boss introducing me as the hot new girl wasn’t a big shocker.

          One night, everyone that worked with me went out drinking.  My boss and I got a little touchy.  Well as two am came around, I suggested we both things back to my place.  There was other people that came too but my boss and I dissappeared to the bedroom for quite a while. 

          At first, we flat out denied this to everyone.  Then it started to become kind of a joke.  Someone would ask if we hooked up and I would say back sarcastically, “Oh yeah, we love hooking up.” Everyone would laugh and say, they knew that would never happen.  Everyone sees me as the sweetest, most innocent girl they know and him as a man whore.  Neither of which are entirely true.

          We hadn’t hooked up in maybe a year or so because we were both dating other people but recently we have started again.  Yes, we are both single so there is zero reason, besides the whole boss and worker thing, that we shouldn’t.  We work at a different place now.  The people that we work with now never heard us deny or be sarcastic.  Yet still, no one takes us seriously.  In front of the other management I straight out said one night, “So ———  are you coming to my apartment to help me finish work tonight.”  Him, “Is that code for sex?”  Me “Of course.”  Him, “Then I will see you after I’m done closing up.”  The other guys just laughed and said, “Like that will happen.”

          Well, at least my work has no policy against dating coworkers or management.  If they do have a problem in the future, we can always say we never tried to cover it up.

          So we hooked up.  It wasn’t the first time but before it didn’t go so well.  He had a girlfriend.  They broke up.  He decided to come visit.  We had a great weekend.  Not long later he went back out with the girl.  Where did that leave me?  Feeling a little used but I moved on just like I always do.

          Last time, it was just him and I.  This time there is more friends attached.  By this I mean, his friends are head over heals for me.  They are actually the ones that told me he was single.  When he invited me up, they were cheering.  I was totally accepted into the group all weekend.  They told me I had to come back. 

          So big thumbs up from the friends but what about him?  We hooked up but we did that before too.  We’ve done the whole flirting via text thing since but big deal.  I’ve definately had more than a couple guys flirt with me only for me to find out they are dating someone else anyways.

          The part that frustrates me to no end is that I truly am a great girlfriend.  That seems to be my trouble.  I can’t find someone who likes a girl that bakes them cookies whenever they ask, doesn’t complain in the least about boy nights, I’m great in bed, I keep myself in shape, I never expect the guy to pay, I’m smart, cute, faithful…everything that guys say they want.  What is the problem?

          Then when guys realize what they missed out on they cry to me about it and try to get me back.  Yeah, how weird is that.  Almost every single guy I have ever dated told me he seriously messed up for letting me go.  Why not just keep me in the first place? 

          See, so frustrating.

So here are some things I’m thankful for but would never admit to in real life.

I’m thankful…..

-That I’m skinny.  Yes, I work out a lot to stay in shape but I’m naturally like a size zero or two depending where I shop.

-That everyone thinks I’m sweet and innocent. I don’t know where that idea comes from but it is better than being called a slut any day.

-That I have zero problem getting a date when I really want one.

-That I always date universally hot guys.  You know the ones I mean?  Everyone thinks they are good looking even if they are not attracted to them.

-For my C cups.  Well according to Victoria’s Secret they are D’s since my rib cage is so skinny.  Either way, I like that they are pretty big verses how skinny I am.

That’s all I can think of right now.

Later lovers.

NOTHING.

That is what I’m doing. 

 How on earth do I get in these situations? Does things this messed up happen to other people?

Alright, so I went on another first date.  It went far better than the last couple but there were a few weird moments brought on entirely by how much I have changed in the last few years.   Let me paint a picture.  Two years ago my closet had two dresses in it total and tons of cheap jeans and band shirts.  Now I own probably close to 100 dresses, many of which are of the strapless,mirco mini genre, designer jeans, and six inch stilettos.  Yeah, things have changed.

As the converstaion was going we were talking about going out and stuff.  The fact that I don’t really go out anymore came up.  I worked for two years at clubs so I don’t  feel much of a need to go to them currently.  However, even if I hate to admit it, I have become quite the club girl.  Slutty dresses, drinking impressive amounts (sometimes, I rarely drink but when i do I like lots of tequila), being able to hold a completely shallow conversation with anyone I know.  It was just such a weird moment when we were talking about this and I could see that guy did not relate in any way. 

I think people are kind of not sure how to look at me.  Girl wearing next to nothing that can talk about comics with the best of them.  A girl that reads every single night and loves English theory that can talk about pop culture to zero in.  Oh and I would love to dress like Lady GaGa.  Just throwing that out there.  I think it would be fun.  I love that I don’t really fit any mold.

However trying to date when no one can place their finger on you just makes things harder. 

So over dating.

Later loves!

I don’t want to date.  It is so hard and stressful.  But what choice is there really when the guy you want doesn’t want it to be something more.  I get that we have officially only been out a few times but I feel like talking to him almost every day for over a year should somehow speed up that decision.  I don’t want to waste my time waiting if it isn’t going to happen.  That isn’t fair to me. 

So instead, I’m dating.  It is going awful.  First off I spent the night with an ex.  One that really don’t have the potential to become a current again.  Why waste time?  Because it was fun to make out for a few hours?  Not a good idea.

Then I went out to the movies with a guy that came and hung out at my apt afterwords.  We sat on opposite ends of the house and the conversation really didn’t go all that well.  Half the time I was thinking he would get along perfectly with my dad.  Given, I love my dad and we get along fine, but I guarantee that I’ve not going to end up with a guy that could like go hang out all weekend with him.  This guy was the outdoorsy type.  My type is sexy emo boys or hollywood pretty boys.  The guy was nice and would make a great friend but zero interest in it going further at this point.

I asked out a friend that I thought was super hot.  No response back.  Guess that is that.  A guy online asked me out.  Online dating is so weird.  In half the pictures he looks like Max Bemis who is sexy as hell.  But in the tagged pictures he looks to have a beer gut.  Sorry, not attractive. So, yeah totally undecided on whether to go out with him or not. 

Stupid, stupid dating.  Reminds me of that Brand New lyric that goes “Sin or spend the night all alone…” 

Later loves!

Yes, I am almost twenty-five years old and I read young adult books.

Not a big dead.  For one, there are plenty of young adult books that are written extremely well.  John Green for example writes extraordinaire books.  There is a whole list of great authors I could name off.  Yes, some young adult books are not written well but the same could be said about regular books too.

Plus, I am trying to write young adult novels.  I have to read what books mine will be up against.  I have to get an idea of what my audience wants.  When people bring up Twilight, I like to mention that.  Yes, I have read all of the books.  They are not the best written books of all time but the fact that all four of them made it on the top 100 best selling books in the same year is monumental.  Obviously, there is something very appealing about her books.  Writing books in the same genre, I can only wish to find something that makes my books that well recieved by the public.

Just today I was given a hard time because I’m reading kind of a smut novel.  Again, I am aware that it isn’t some masterpeice of writing but it is entertaining.  The last couple books I have read were pretty challanging.  They are dense books that did take some thinking.  Oh random fact about me, I absolutely love books are english theory.  Most people hate it, but since college I have been into it.  It was always the class I did the best in.  Anyways, those books are not easy to read.  So kill me if for a break I’m reading a cheesy paranormal romance. 

My theory is read whatever you want as long as you are reading.

Mac Stars annoy me because they seem to all believe that people that don’t wear Mac don’t know anything about makeup.  Hello, that is so far from the truth.  Just the other day one of these girls commented that I never wear makeup.  Let me take a minute to describe what makeup I was wearing when she said this…

-Fondation
-Powder
-Bronzer
-Shadow Base (which I use a spendy brand of)
-Silver shadow on my lid
-Black liquid liner on the top, winged out at the outside corner
-black kohl liner on the bottom
-Black eyeshadow on other top and bottom to make the line thick and smokey
-Bright purple shadow across bottom and on crease blended out
-Matte white shadow under brow and in corner of my eyes
-Masacra on curled lashes

Yeah, I think I know a thing or two about makeup and I definately wear my fair share.  Even on an off day, I wear black eyeliner and shimmery tan shadow. 

Not only do I know a thing or two about how to do makeup casually or all fancy, I also do know quite a bit about different brands.  There are lots of great ones out there.  I think Mac is okay but it tends to crease on me.  It doesn’t blend very well either.  Everyone’s skin is different so I know that other people do not have the same problem. 

Anyways, another pointless rant. 

Later loves!

Anyways, I asked and it was nothing.  The answer back when I asked if we were seeing each other or friends was that distance was a problem but he cared about me.  Does that not sound like a nice way of saying, hey I was using you.  That was the impression I got.

Here is the horrible part though.  I did not get upset at all.  I thought for a minute I was going to cry but immediately decided not to because I was about to leave to a concert and didn’t want to ruin my black eyeliner.  Yes, I wear too much black eyeliner. Anyways, I went to the show, had fun and was overall not that concerned about what had happen. 

Oh and then an old fling called.  Naturally I decided to have him over and we messed around a little.  Messed around i.e. did not hook up.  I did realize immediately that I really had zero intention of being in a relationship with this person even though I do deeply care about that.  It was weird though because really for the first time in my life I realized how much I wanted a certain kind of relationship.  The guy I had been flying to see was the perfect relationship.  Our time together was so natural and easy. That is what I need in life.

However, he must not feel the same.  It is horrible to think about but it is true. 

An aspect of my personality that throws most people off is how fast I am to get over things.  I was upset about what happen, which was only a few days ago but I am already looking to move on.  I even asked someone out tonight.  I know in todays world it isn’t all that uncommon for girls to ask guys out but I do still feel that it is pretty ballsy.  He however seems to have turned me down.  So now I am thinking about asking someone else out.  A guy I have recently reconnected with that used to be the crush of my no longer best friend.  Never move in with your best friends.  It ruins everything.  It was weird to think about dating someone that previously I would have considered off limits.  I haven’t been friends with her for years though and we stopped talking on very bad terms.  She treated me awful.  I know I don’t owe her anything.  Hey, at least this time when she sites by dating this guy as something horrible I did to her it will be truthful unlike everything else said.  Got to love girl drama.  Actually I do not what so ever which is why we are no longer friends.  I can’t deal with people that fake friendships and talk behind people’s backs.  I’m all about just being truthful.

Sorry this is getting long and probably not making much sense because it is the middle of the night.  I just finished reading a book so decided to pop online before picking out what to read next.  Speaking of reading, does anyone have suggustions on what to read?  I have a book shopping addiction (and shoes, clothings, movies, cds, and comics lol) so will probably be going soon.

Now I feel like I need a signature sign off.  I’ll work on that for future post!